…That chances are no one will ever truly love you right. We all comfort ourselves with the thought that some other person, some elusive dream guy/girl will rock up one day and show the world just what we are worth, they will be constant and kind and true and wake up super early to make you coffee, and tell you you are beautiful even when you are not, because you have been through too much damn it, and it’s about time someone showed some love for your scars.
But they may not. And at the age of 45 (if you can hold on for that long) you might just have to settle for that less that perfect guy you met in your office, he is a little full of himself, but you are running out of options and you don’t wanna die alone…
So maybe, no one guy will ever love you for who you are. And they are all just fleeting phases, and the second you bring your crazy out they will get packing.
Maybe no one is ever going to fine it cute that you spend hours watching youtube videos of sloths, hell, maybe no one will ever find YOU cute.
Are you okay with that?
When you are winding down your day and your feet are sore and you are hoping for a good night’s sleep, Are you okay with you?
I ask myself this a lot. I know I am broken, and my love of baggy shirts and jeans and complete negligence of my makeup kit might be doing more harm than good. But am I okay with me?
This year is one of the few times I have had to really get down to the business of rebuilding, i choose not to focus too much on my appearance to dodge vanity. I choose not to spend time with people who pull me down, I choose what feels true to me regardless of gender. But I am not going to lie, it takes courage to not run to my makeup box everytime I feel less than worthy, and it takes balls (really big balls! ) to wear sneakers to work every day, and to not try to pull out fake overly sexual charm whenever I see someone that might interest me.
This is the year of the balls and I am under the impression that liking yourself is something that doesn’t happen over night, so I will give it as much time as it needs. I want to be the type of person strong enough to love myself enough to be okay with being alone.